Love's Inadequacies
by new lights
Summary: Mary was always the shy and studious one. Never did anyone think she would have a happy ending? Mary soon feels doubts about her philosophies on love. Through the eyes of Mary Bennet comes Love's Inadequacies, Rated K   for hard understanding.
1. Mary Bennet's Philosophy on Love

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**By: New Lights**

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><p>A swift breeze went through the balmy, lukewarm air of a mid-spring day. The breeze actuated through the foliate forest. It went through the grassy venues, and up hills, and renovated the air with vigor. The breeze wafted up through the trees making a rustling noise, creating music to one's ears. The overall vista of the fix would evidently be described as flamboyant, with the mix of colors, and the flourishing pastures. Surely this place would be an artist muse. It was surely my muse, but I was no artist—or at least one to express by art, for my art skills were mediocre, but my musical and thoughtful mind never dawdled. This valley created such an essence through me. I was within my tranquil place, for it contained my two favorite things: a solitary environment, and a leeway of ones mind. Here I was able to think, and expand my knowledge. I tried to come here as much as possible.<p>

Yet the most beautiful things cannot last all day, for each I day I had to withdraw myself from my paradise-the place where I could cogitate. I had to go back to my house, because I wasn't always the invisible person I wanted to be, my family would notice if I were gone.

My house was no place where one could ruminate about anything—the place was so cacophonous, with giggling and rambunctiousness. So that is why this place was my liberation, my liberation from my boisterous family.

It was quite obvious I was not appropriate for the Bennet family. I was quiet, thoughtful, and independent. I was different mostly because I didn't think about marriage every elapsing second of my day. Kitty and I were the final two Bennets, as in we still had our maiden names because we were not married. I knew I (Mary Bennet) was going to be the last Bennet. I didn't see a husband in my future, nor did I yearn for one. My sister and I weren't the most compatible sisters—we were complete opposites. I was quiet and studious, she was giddy and convivial, and she was the more agreeable one in what was left of the family. She was much more harmonious with my other sisters, mostly Lydia, the youngest in the family. She quite often duplicated her, and they were much more palpably identified as sisters. Much more than her and I, at least. Lydia was her role model, but not a very good one. Besides Lydia was the youngest and most immature, Lydia was also a disgrace, in my opinion, to the family. She would go around obnoxiously flirting with other men, making them think they had a chance, or what they thought honor, to be her beau. Never did one court with her, for unexpectedly she married to Mr. Wickham. Everyone had a qualm towards him, except my mother who was blinded revelry of the fact that this man was inadequate. We all hoped she would notice how big an amiss this arrangement was, but the contrary to what we hoped happened. She was in such utter glee that her youngest, and may I add favorite, daughter had just gotten married. We never thought it was correct and I tried as hard as I could to ignore it.

Fortunately this marriage benefited to ,my older sister, Elizabeth's attraction to Mr. Darcy, who, opposite to Mr. Wickham, was immensely rich, and sensible. Mr. Darcy started out to be a disagreeable man, but then turned out to be acceptable. Jane also got married to a sensible man, but a bit before Elizabeth. Though the two's husband, who were also good friends, caused a twisted mess. Jane had noticed how Mr. Bingly took great interest in her, but was beyond crestfallen and obscured when he left to go back to London. Of course mother thought that he was going to propose, and I sometimes wonder if she was more devastated by the news than Jane. Though Jane was known for her bashfulness. Elizabeth was completely irascible when she learned what Mr. Darcy did. He confessed that he convinced Mr. Bingly to part from our Hertfordshire for which because, and he did tell Elizabeth, that he believed our family was completely demented, except for her. He didn't want his friend to get in the wrong marriage, but of course Elizabeth was completely incensed by this declaration. Though, later she learned that he paid for Lydia's wedding, even though Mr. Wickham was completely unfaithful to him. This, of course impressed Elizabeth and my father, and Elizabeth was happily wed, along with Mr. Bingly and Jane; once he realized what a fool he had been. Yes, he did admit it right to her face, which I was quite pleased with-I thought that was quite appropriate considering the fact that he shattered her heart, and listen to Darcy when he was still impertinent.

"Mary!" I heard my mother call me from a distance, hindering my thoughts to abide.

I bit my lip as I thought about what she was going to say or do. I took hesitation to if I should reciprocate her call to me, but I knew she would come rummage for me if I didn't. That was the last thing I wanted, for her to find my one place to be alone, and to think.

"Yes Mother! Coming!" I vociferated to her, and ran. Impulse pumped through my mind as I ran towards what I thought was utter foolishness and exasperation. I knew my mother was preparing to call me out of how I was now the oldest Bennet, and she's tired of keeping me around. I ran thinking about why she wanted her children to be married. Love is not something that can be forced up, but one to be patient towards. Though I knew that this wasn't about love, it was about money-and the pleasure of saying to all our neighbors that your daughter has just married a wonderful (or in, uncoded, rich) husband. The bombast rights you receive as soon as your daughter is now affluent and prosperous was very high.

I sometimes wonder if this whole thing was because the mothers, and sometimes fathers, wanted their children off their shoulders. All I knew is that, from my intuition, this dinner was going to be miserable. They always were miserable.

My mother was now convinced that I was beautiful which made her want me to get married even more; indeed I had changed a bit since my sisters had left, but not enough to make me beautiful, I thought. My mother thinks it's because I, finally, matured. My hair started to create soft curls, and it turned to more of a chestnut brown, rather than a chocolate. My eyes turned, somehow, from dark brown, to a silvery blue. How did that happen with such a big transition, I didn't know. My face had my matured, and body's figure finally came in.

I was thin, which indeed make my mother a bit upset. She believed it made us look even more poor than we already were. Though I didn't think that being judged by appearances really mattered, nor did your dominion of money. I especially thought that one's first impression should be judged, I mean look where my sisters are now; married to men who we all had a disinclination about, and it turned out all right.

Though would I ever even have a disinclination about a person? For I didn't think I'd ever fall in love with someone, and receive their love in return.

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><p><strong>NEXT CHAPTER COMING SOON!<strong>


	2. Suspicion

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**-New Lights**

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><p>I walked up to see my house. This was not a home, and there was a divergent to me about the two terms.<p>

A home is a place where you can feel at peace, and loved. In addition you wanted to be there often. Though my house wasn't my home. I didn't want to be there, and I didn't feel all that loved. The place was loud, and not my type. Most definitely not the place which I'd define as my home.

The place was abundant, but wasn't excessive. An excessive place was even farther than a home to me. Ducks waddled around and some flied around and brushed the clouds in the monotonous sky, and pigs snorted and hasted all around the yard. I strode towards the promenade impelling towards the front of the house.

I crossed onto a bridge, but halted midway. I looked down to the water beneath it and saw the tenebrous cerulean color. Malachite lily pads floated on the facade of the water, and orchid colored flowers laid atop. I descried diminutive fish, weaving through moss blanketing rocks. I placed my finger in the water creating ripples which traversed to all over the small pond. The water felt frigid at first but then I slowly grew used to it, and grew to be only neutrally chilled. I swum my fingers around in the water following the fish and giggled as they tried to flee from my finger as if it were some monster. I could relate, and if only I could abscond from my mother as they did with my finger. I had to face the monster. In some ways, I felt audacious, or at least more than the fish. I didn't run, I didn't flee, I faced it. And then it occurred to me that I had lost focus.

My mind was very deviate, I tended to focus on different things, and zone off. I wasn't very materialistic, and I had focal points on odd things, such as fish.

Embarrassed about my dazing off, I swiftly got up, brushed off my dark green dress, and continued towards the door.

I walked in and saw my mother sitting on a chair, and leaning back, lounging, and chatting quietly with my father. I turned around and tried to shut the door quietly, and slowly so I wouldn't draw their attention, but my attempt failed, for right as I closed the door, it made the slightest thump, and my fathers head bolted up. I tried to signal him to put his head down, but it was too late, for my mother looked up too.

"Mary, where have you been?" She asked in her stressed voice. Her eyes had small bags under them. Her mouth was thin, and her cheeks were flushed red. She had tan hair, slowly turning gray at the tips. She wore a bonnet on her head and a nice dress, as always. "I've been wanting to start dinner!" She said shrilly.

I shrugged, trying to avoid the question in the most easy way possible. "You could've started dinner without me," I murmured. I fiddled with my fingers trying to mentally think of what she was going to say next... Perhaps I was shady, or something like that, or that I was irresponsible.

Though I was wrong; which was actually quite unusual, for that was usually the response. "It's time to start dinner then," She said, and she walked out of the room.

I gripped my elbow and closed my eyes slowly, as I felt my back stiffen. "Pa pa, what does she want?" I moaned. My heart pounded at a slightly faster rate than usual, perhaps because my mothers schemes weren't usually to my liking, and her response to my shabby remark made me know she had contrivance going on. Now I also knew, it was about me. Which scared me even more. I ogled at my father, but he just got up with a smile playing at edge of his lips. His brown eyes had big bags under them and dark wrinkles on his forehead, aging beginning to appear on his face. He had a shade on his chin, and white hair that went down to about where his shoulders were, but he had a ribbon tying up it.

"Good luck, Mary," He said starting to walk away, but I ran after him, and grabbed onto his arm as if I were a child.

"Pa pa, I don't want to go to dinner. I can't stand mothers plans, what is she going to do? You know we don't think alike!" I beseeched. "Father please," I added in attempt to make him to tell me, but it was no use; for Papa didn't respond. Stomach felt sick, and my emotions fell.

"Darling, just..." He mumbled, and then broke off what he was saying, not know what to say. He just shrugged and slowly walked outside of the room.

I was left alone then, with a dejected look on my face.

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><p>I sat at the table, nervously fiddling my thumbs. I didn't want to know what scheme my mother was going to play on me. Her sly attempts on getting me married indeed have gotten me highly intimidated by her. I wish I could be the invisible Mary that I used to be, when Elizabeth, Jane, and Lydia were around-the favorites. I was basically the main focal point now, which I most definitely didn't yearn to be. I always felt malfeasance about the attention, because Kitty had barely any. She wanted to get married, unlike I, and my mother barely did anything to help her. I postulated that perhaps it was because she wanted to get rid of me, because I was picky and unwilling, so she could breeze through Kitty, and be done with it.<p>

Truthfully, I thought that was asinine for I was the most pessimistic person, perhaps, in our whole town. I didn't really have any friends, and again, I didn't yearn for any. My friends remained in my mind, I just would chatter with them the whole time, having conversations with them, thinking. Nobody really knew who I was because I was the invisible Mary, I didn't interact or mingle with anyone.

I ran away from love, and I valiantly admitted it. My courageous, and willing sisters confronted it, or even chased it. I didn't know if it was because I was afraid of love, for perhaps I was. I didn't know. I just sometimes wondered that maybe if I had been more sociable at all the parties beyond parties we went to, perhaps I'd be married.

I picked at my food lightly, but didn't eat it, for my stomach was still in a knot from my solicitude of what my mother was going to do. I bit my lip, a obvious give away that I was scared or apprehensive. No one had really caught on, for I had been in an ulterior and concealed existence for an amazingly large portion of my life.

"Mary eat your food," My mother instructed, she cut up her bread and placed some butter on it.

"I'm not hungry," I muttered under my breath, meaning for no one to hear, but Kitty looked up with a slight scowl on her face. Her green eyes showed pure jealousy, and skeptical. I didn't know what was happening, and to get a countenance from cheerful and giddy Kitty, meant I was doing something that I was going to hate and she would've loved.

I spoke a bit louder with impatience, my voice shaky, "Okay, that's it! What is going on? Everyone is acting very peculiar and it's making me preternatural, and confused. What is going on, please do tell me."

My mother's head bolted up. "I don't know what you mean," She said, her eyebrows raised, and her jaw slightly dropped, which was a dead give away that she was equivocating the question. I gave her a disbelieving stare, and pursed my lips.

The fact she was trying to hide something from me was completely and utterly beguile. How fatuous did she think I was? From my father's puerile attitude, Kitty's unforeseen penetrating scowl, and my mother's odd carefree behavior, (despite that it wasn't _that_ carefree, for someone as uptight as her, it was quite noticeable) something was most definitely abrupt.

"Mother," I murmured, "What is it."

She looked up and sighed, "Okay, I wanted to wait a bit longer."

I felt a swift rush of victoriousness. "Thank you," I said causally, and began to brace myself for what was going to happen.

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	3. Lost

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><p>I stared in both shock and confusion. I had hardly taking the slightest breath since she began elucidate why everyone was acting at in a mysterious, and unconventional to their usual attitude.<p>

She had told me I was to be sent to Pemberley to be with Elizabeth, so she could help me find a consort...alone. Though, even with my pessimistic attitude, I thought this wasn't such a erroneous idea-logically speaking. The allotment that was short-sighted was the fact they were leaving Kitty behind. I knew this town had no man who was promising enough for her, and despite the fact that that was the same case for me, I would never be pleased. Antithetical my sister, I was disagreeable, and a change of scenery would not trigger my optimistic side, nor my social and compatible side. I was not the most accepting person in the world-most definitely not in England either. I was diffident though, and my mind was _very _cluttered with thoughts and feelings that I didn't like to share, for no one would understand. Many people would consider this shady, but I think it's thoughtfulness imprisoned. Unlike me, Kitty was persistently agreeable and kind. Despite my pleading and foreboding, my mother's perspective on the scope of the subject would not budge, for it was a done deal and nothing I could do could change that.

"Mother this is foolish!" I pleaded at the table. "You know Kitty is more likely to find a husband, and you know that this is not rigorously legitimate! Kitty will find a husband-I know not what you're thinking for I am utterly fastidious and picky, not to mention highly disagreeable! My attitude is antagonistic, and I won't think this will help me one bit! Kitty will find someone, I know she will. What in the world were you thinking to only send me? What makes you think a change of scenery will change me?"

My mothered just shrugged. Then she continued to tell me more about my trip, which made my anger fume even more.

I was to leave in two days, and to my utter surprise they had been planning this for months. This confused me because I was extremely observant, barely anything that was in this house didn't pass without me seeing and snooping. I was very nosy, I had to concur, but I wanted answers. Answers meant knowledge, and that was one thing my mind was always famished for. Though how did I miss the letters?

The good thing was that I didn't have to pack much because my sister and I were now about the same size (Elizabeth was on the leaner side, but my mother could not contend with her, for the wealthy Mr. Darcy had had his heart stolen by her. She thought it'd be best she were to stay the same) and I only needed to pack certain items that I needed, which was not a great amount. The only thing that was different was the shoe size, my feet were a bit larger than Elizabeths, so her shoes would never fit me, and if they did, I would get vexatious blisters on my feet. I had tried to squeeze into her shoe, and I had trouble walking for a few days. I recalled my mother being frustrated with my foolishness for trying.

Though I actually had great impulse. If I wanted to do something I'd do it, because if I don't I'll never be able to tell the tale, and even this was a big opportunity, I didn't want it. Or perhaps I didn't want it because I didn't want it as much as Kitty.

I walked over to our piano, and sat down. This was truly one of only places I felt in utter tranquility. I loved the feeling when I press down the ivory keys, making music to the ears. This was all merely from simple black in white colors that would make harmonious music. I knew that this was a pretty odd observation, and the piano was not made for this, but it made me think, something simple can be beautiful. For example, painter can be given dull colors, but it can make something beautiful. I started to play, my hands swimming with joy along the keys, pressing them down. I played fluently and evenly, keeping in good time, ricocheting my foot along the floor trying to keep a beat. The music sounded sublime. I always closed my eyes when I played, in attempt to connect with the music, and feel it-rather than just reading the notes. Then I hit a wrong note. I paused, and didn't feel like restarting. I stood up and frowned.

I walked dazed up to my room, and walked straight to my bed. I laid down on it and closed my eyes in ordeal. I breathed heavily and sighed. I weaved my fingers to make a knot out of the lacy sheets, scrunching my hands to try and relieve the stress upon me. I grimaced loudly.

"You shouldn't be the one whose neurotic!"

I jumped at the voice-I was unaware anyone was there. I looked up and saw Kitty scowling at me-she was still out of character. She was sitting on her bed, which was on the other side of the room. Our room wasn't very big, it was simple, but also crowded with three beds. It would've been hard to miss Kitty sitting there, but I was dazed. I didn't even think about checking to see if anyone else would be in the room. She was obviously still angry with me.

"I'm neurotic because I don't know why you're not going," I mumbled.

I heard her grimace. "Don't pretend why you don't know!" She nearly yelled.

"I don't." I said simply, just staring at her. She seemed to think this was my fault but I was in total bewilderment. But I stared at her expression. "I honestly don't know why."

She rolled her eyes. "Because, she obviously favors you!"

I gawked at her. "Kitty, you know that's not true, she wants to get rid of me; that is the reason of her doings. You are more agreeable, and more likely to find a husband. Me-I'm completely disagreeable, and I don't care. It works for me. She wants you to find love, and that's why she's sending me away. So she can focus on you."

"I thought you said you didn't know-and that is not correct! Mother does favor you!" Kitty shook her head, letting her wavy her bounce all over. Her eyes were a dark green, and her cheeks always looked as though she were blushing. She was usually smiling, so her acting like this was very peculiar, with all the grimacing, and rolling of the eyes.

"I don't understand Kitty," I said, skeptically. "Mother has always disliked me because I was pessimistic, and shady."

She pursed her lips. "And _you_ supposed to be the smart one," She crossed her arms. "You're obviously much prettier-"

"You know that's not true," I mumbled, cutting her off. The funny thing was this was the longest conversation we probably had ever, and we were quarreling. "In addition that is not all that matters, men will look past that. I bet a boy would choose you over me without even thought. Probably in a split second. Beauty will not make mother love me more. Take Jane for instance, she was much more beautiful than any of us, Mother respected that. Though she always favored Lydia," Then I paused, and realized how much of a mishap I had just made. "Never mind, that's a bad example."

Kitty's eyes looked watery and sad. I had forgotten she was still sensitive about Lydia. She had always been so close to her, but when she came back to visit with Mr. Wickham, she hardly even gave Kitty a sideways glance. Kitty had been so upset, but I thought she was better off. She was all alone now, except for me, and I was like a resurrected human to her; I'd be best to avoid.

I wondered what'd be like with Kitty not even here. I'd be all alone, and stuck with my mother. Mayhap I did want to get married... Though I blocked that thought out of my head, and I refused to give up my philosophy on love.

"I'm sorry Kitty," I murmured.

Kitty sniffled, and then looked up. "It's alright. Just promise me you'll get married, so you went instead of me in vain. Please do that for me."

I nodded. "I'll try," I paused, feeling misconception pump through my veins.

Kitty straightened up, and smiled. "Well, you'll be leaving soon. Are you excited?"

I shrugged. "I don't know what'll happen. I'm nervous. My intuition is telling me that something is going to happen, I'm just not sure if it's a foreboding warning, or the other way around."

Kitty looked up and scrunched her eyes a bit. "I think if you stay optimistic-"

I smiled. "You know how hard that is for me."

Kitty's face turned grave, "I know," She said. I didn't know if she didn't get my joke, or if she didn't find it funny, or if she just wanted to be straight forward and honest.

Either way, she was correct: I could either turn my attitude around, or stay the same. There are somethings that I could use to make myself more agreeable, but I didn't use them, and perhaps that was hurting me. Life was what you made it, and I have been facing it in a very pessimistic way. Though why? No one had died, and no tragic event has struck me. Perhaps I should be optimistic... Though that wasn't being myself.

I felt lost. Lost of what do to, how to act. I needed someone to save me, to pull me out of this stage of confusion.


	4. To Pemberley

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><p>"That's the last of them," I mumbled as the maids descended the last of my things into the cream-colored carriage. The maids wiped sweat from their forehead with their white glove on hand. The weather was mild, but the damp air created an uncomfortable atmosphere. The vexation kept on coming up in my mind that I'd have to be traveling in this for hours, the moisturized air that you could actually feel.<p>

The last few days went in a blur-I just packed, and tried to get the day over with. I could barely even recall any of it to be perfectly honest.

I looked at my mother who was grinning brightly, casting a sense that this was the moment she'd been waiting for for so ages; which was getting rid of me. "Goodbye Mary," She spoke with colossal incitement, "now I don't want you to be picky! Come back with a husband!" She nearly skipped away with utter glee. I felt like I should be offended by this, but truly wasn't-I actually was relieved for I expected much worse and rude behavior. I hadn't expected anything less from the woman who planned this trip. I just shrugged it off though, and switched my gaze to my father.

My father just wearily stared at me. "Good luck, Mary," He murmured, patting my shoulders with his large hands. I nodded, but said nothing. Then he walked away. Though my father did not say much there was a vibe about him that made you just automatically love him. I didn't know what it was, but he just made me smile, when I was trying to hold a grudge. Then I turned to Lydia, who had grown to be more excepting to the fact I was going now that we had had our conversation days ago.

"Don't forget our promise," She uttered, trying to look happy, but failed in her eyes. She was trying to be strong, and I wouldn't blame her if she broke down crying when I left-if I were in her place, and actually _wanted_ a husband, I'd do exactly that.

I nodded and turned. I strode to the carriage and took one last look at the house, and I had to admit I was going to miss it a bit-but with the disgusting day it seemed like a bad goodbye present. I knew this sounded absurd, but I began to think that, akin to my mother, the house wanted me to go away. It was ridiculous but it seemed as though it was trying to get me to leave. I sent a mental goodbye, but then turned my back to it and stepped into the carriage.

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><p>The seats in the carriage were cozy, they were a velvety fabric, and were a maroon color. It felt like a comfy blanket on your back. This was a much better quality seat than our last carriage-thanks to Mr. Darcy, who lent us this one. The last was vexatious and aggravating, the kind of seats that would make your spine twinge. The leather seats seemed as though they were stuffed with rocks. The space was paltry and minuscule, and when we all sat simultaneously in it, our feet and legs would be stacked on top of each others. For once, I felt grateful to what I had, for this was an adequate way to travel. The air had cleared as the carriage drew away from Hertfordshire, everything was quiet accept for faint clunking of the horse's hooves.<p>

I stared out the window and saw nothing but tree after tree, valley after valley. It was completely pure and chaste. I felt remorse that I'd be departing from my special spot of thought. I dubious that I'd get another venue like that-or one that was extensively solitary, and unattached to any distractions whatsoever. I suddenly mourned for the fact that I wouldn't be able to come back until I have found a spouse, which I most definitely wouldn't find relatively soon. I felt my heart sank, and a sudden loss of aplomb and credence, which I had just obtained today.

I leaned back and closed my eyes and hoped to fall asleep-attempting to relieve myself of this despair-and for once-and perhaps the first time ever, I'd fallen asleep on my command...

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><p>I woke up to a subtle sunlight. I didn't sleep soundly of course. I closed my eyes and rubbed them, and stretched my arms in the air and did a silent yawn. I hadn't dreamed, which was unusual, because I was the type of people who had dreams every night.<p>

I heard the clunking of the horse's hooves slowly come to a cessation.

I froze for a second, making sure nothing had gone terribly wrong. Perhaps we had hit a barricade. I heard a rustle, and then a thump. A tingle went up my spine, and I couldn't breathe, and then I heard the horse snort, and then neigh.

"Um... Is anyone there?" I said weakly.

No answer.

"Us there anyone there?" I yelled now. Just some footsteps. My heart skipped a beat, as a someone groan, and then a plunk. Was the carriage being under attack? I thought England was done with all the contention for land in America wasn't that big of a conflict. Were we really being attacked? I felt a sudden rush of impulse and fortitude rushed through me, and I ran out of the carriage.

"Who's there?" I bellowed.

Then the carriage whip came around the side. "Just me," He bellowed.

His face was kind of chubby, and he had a mixture of an ashen and an ivory colored hair that covered his head but pinned a bit on the top of his head. His side burns ran long and down to nearly his chin. His eyes were a verdigris shade, and his eyebrows were bushy and brown, with some gray hairs coming out. He was quite plump, with a tight fitting shirt with a vest over it, and beige trousers. He was attempting to convey a bucket of water. The horse was staring at me as if I were insane. Maybe I was.

"Oh," I murmured. "I'm sorry, I didn't know what was going on, and got a bit nervous. Sorry, I'm just a bit paranoid."He looked at me confused. He paused for a second, and there was a tense silence. Then I rose my eyebrows awaiting him to break the silence.

"Yeah, well the last time ole' Tuscon needed some water, well you were comatose. I didn't think you'd wake up for hours." He said putting the bucket down and whipping some sweat off his face. "Yes, well, now you're awake so..." There was silence again. We just stood there looking at each other. I tried to clear my throat and think of something to say, but I couldn't. Nothing really came to my mind.

"Well," I mumbled. "Uh, I guess while you're feeding...Tuscon..." I glared at the horse, and he looked back with his huge black eyes. I cleared my throat again, "Well I guess I'll just take a walk." I said.

He nodded. "Well just don't get lost please, or else I'll get in really big trouble..."

I nodded. I began to walk away than paused, and turned. "How far away are we from Pemberley?" I asked.

He shrugged. "A few minutes."

I stood there and thought for a second. I didn't really feel like sitting down again, because my legs felt half asleep. I thought I'd be able to find my way to Mr. Darcy's house-it was huge. "Perhaps I'll walk and you can take the carriage down to Mr. Darcy's house when you're done giving the horse water. I don't think I could sit down again, my legs terribly need exercise. I haven't been outside for hours, and I need some time to think properly-I think best when I walk." He looked at me like I was crazy again, and I didn't like that at all. "I just want to take a walk. Where is Pemberly for here?"

His finger aimed north. "It'd be your aspiration to stay that way; I don't know what else is out there. There should be a path somewhere. I don't want to get in trouble because you desired to take a walk. I got my family to feed."

I nodded, "Will do sir," I assured, and then turned and started to walk away from him.

I walked up forward and couldn't believe my eyes to the exquisite sight this place was. There were pastures surrounding me, and pale pink cherry blossom trees were in bloom. I walked to the north a few strides, and only saw grass. I didn't even pay attention to where I was going. It was probably five minutes later when I stared to get a little bit nervous, because I didn't see anything directing me do go forth into Pemberley. Where was I to go? I started getting nervous, and looked around. I didn't want that poor man to lose his job because of my lack of attention. I didn't even remember where I was going anymore, north or not. I shamed myself with this foolishness that I hadn't paid attention, and ignored the man's warning. I walked around and around looking for somewhere to go, looking for someone to help me. Eventually I just got tired and felt like I had loss all my need to keep trying to find out where I was going. I just sat in the grass and press my hand to my face. How could I have been so stupid to have gotten lost? I had a direction to follow and I didn't. I groaned several times. I sat like this for a really long time.

"I'm so dumb!" I yelled out.

Then I heard footsteps behind me and I froze. I didn't want to look back because I was so embarrassed by my big outburst.

"Are you okay?" Said a guy's voice.

I couldn't help but turn around, and then saw the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life.


	5. Blinded

**Hey Guys! My computer is being annoying so I can't reply to reviews, but I'm so thankful for all of them! Thanks to everyone for reviewing!**

**I hope you guys like this chapter! None of these characters belong to me, Jane Austin made up all these characters except for a new one that I'm not going to tell you because you're going to have to read it!**

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**Thanks to everyone who reviewed again, and I hope you enjoy chapter five of Love's Inadequacies!**

**Sorry for the long delay! I didn't have much time for writing! Happy Thanksgiving!  
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><p>Of all the moments of my life, my heart never pounded harder. Of all the masterpieces I've seen, this one was the most amazing. Something so flawless, something so full of vivacity, and something so filled with allure, was bound to be a figment of my imagination. I was dreaming, I realized. It was just a dream that got me into such a frenzy. Though everything felt so irrefutably real. Was this real? It had to be. I couldn't even manifest something as perfect. I could a pounding in my ears, coming from my heart, and an inferno on my cheeks. I must of look ghastly, with my face all red and blushing, a blank look of bewilderment. Speak! I thought to myself. But my body didn't move, nothing moved, except my heart which was beating a drum.I probably look like a fool sitting there but I couldn't move.<p>

He cleared his throat, and repeated, "Are you okay?" His voice music to my ears. Like a lovers whisper, like an angels voice responding to a prayer. Everything about him made me awestruck. His brown locks, shaggy, and cut short. His skin, a more natural color like mine, rather than ghostly pale. He was tall, and strong. He wore a white shirt with a long brown coat running down to his knees, and he wore black pants with tall baggy brown boots. He was bent on one knee peering eye to eye with me. His eyes digging into mine, with their light blue color, with tips of turquoise here and there. His eyes mesmerized me.

"Yes," I murmured. My voice quivered ever so slightly. I was being so pathetic. Then I decided to confess. I shrugged and raised my hands arms, smiling, then slapped them down. I shook my head and laughed sarcastically, "I'm lost. Yep, I decided to take a walk and got out of the carriage to think of-things, and I decided to not pay attention to where I'm going."

"What did you want think of," He asked. I didn't want to talk about my whole dilemma with him, I would seem so weak and hopeless. I didn't blame him for asking-I usually almost spill secrets before remembering to stay reserved. I tried to cover it up, but obviously I failed.

"Never mind that-nothing," I responded. "I just basically wanted to take a walk, and now... Do you know how to get to the Darcy residence by any chance?"

He smiled, making me breathless. "Yes, actually I do. Do you want me to walk you there?" He asked. His voice sent tingles down my spine and I felt my skin becoming aflame just by listening to him speak to me. My heart pounded so hard, so loud I had no doubts he couldn't hear it. He squatted down. "I get lost hear all the time. It all looks the same its fine."

"Yes, that would be spectacular," I said. Then I noticed I was missing one important aspect of him-I didn't know his name. I looked at him in the eye as I was told by my mother, but not to be proper-simply for the thrill of it. I held out my hand, adjacent to me, and he laugh. He stood up and grabbed my hand. He pulled my up in one swift movement like I weighed little to nothing. I stood puzzled as to why he did that, and then I understood. I felt my blood frying my skin now, and laughed. "Oh-no I wasn't asking-no, I meant-" I held out my hand. "I'm Mary, Mary Bennet."

He smiled and laughed too to my relief, and he grabbed it, making my heart skip a beat. "I'm Chase," He said. "Chase Taylor." We stood there, and shook hands. Then he let go and said, "Alright, why don't we get on our way?"

I nodded, and followed him. We walked silently, and I admired the scenery innocently. There was just valley after valley, tree after tree, all bright green. All of which were seas of green, and not a single with brown edges. The air smelled of a pine perfume, and the breeze was whisking. It seemed like the world had just gotten better.

"So why are you visiting the Darcys?" He asked.

His question caught me off guard, so I did a subconscious "hmm?" Then I made out what he said, and answered, "Oh, yes. Well I'm visiting because..." I couldn't tell him the real reason; it was pathetic. So I made up the most logical I could think of. "I'm visiting my sister, she's married to Mr. Darcy."

Chase stopped walking and looked at me. "You're from the family of Elizabeth Bennet?" He asked in awe. "I didn't believe that you were from that _Bennet_ family."

"Yes, that's me," I said, blushing. We kept on walking, and then I said, "So have you been to the Darcys before, or do you just know of it?"

"Many, many times," He murmured.

"Do you know them well?"

"Indeed I do."

"Oh. Are you family friends?"

"Yes, you could say that."

I couldn't help but feel like he was hiding something from me. His answers were too short-or perhaps I'm too snoopy.

"So, do you visit frequently?" He asked me.

"Actually no, this is the first time. I don't really visit much," I confessed.

"Oh. Why not?"

"I'm not the most social person you'll ever meet."

"You seem pretty social to me."

"That's because you don't know me that well," I murmured.

He stopped walking and said, "Well we've got a long walk. You seem nice, and I think I'd like to get to know you, if that's alright with you."

I smiled. "I'm not sure if you'll want to." My smiled faded a bit and I explained. "I'm not like the other girls who are giddy. I play piano and think. I'm not a talker. I'm different."

He looked at me intimately, and this made my face flush. "I can handle different. I like different," He whispered. He looked at me and murmured, "You're very skinny."

Out of all the things to say, why this. Why point out something that I'd rather not talk about and it's probably not something to talk to a girl who you just met.

I rolled my eyes. "I don't want to talk about this right now," I said.

"I think it's great," He said gesturing to his body, showing his slender, yet muscular body. "And you're tan, and you're unique."

I crossed my arms and stared at him once more. Then a memory struck me. I looked at him. "I know you," I said, with a serious face on.

He looked bewildered for a second, like I was crazy, for we had just met.

"No, I know you from when I was younger," I exclaimed. I tried to think of it. I couldn't manifest him in any part of my childhood but he struck me as so familiar.

A grin crossed his face. "I remember," He laughed. He closed his mouth and had a smirk on his face.

"Do tell me!" I say grabbing his hand.

"I'll tell you when you guess," Then he starts walking again, but I keep my hand grasped to his. It felt connected to his. I felt his pulse and it matched mine, fasted paced and thrusting hard. Did this mean perhaps he felt the same?

I snickered sarcastically, why wouldn't he tell me? I let my hand slip from his, and I sped up.

"Where are you going?" He chuckled.

"Away from you until you tell me," I replied simply.

"You're the one who got lost," Chase laughed loudly.

I turned around to face him. "You're very frustrating."

He ran up to me and grabbed my wrist and started walking to the right of me. Of course I was going the wrong way. I laughed quietly.

"Thanks," He joked. "I try to be."

He was so familiar, but I just couldn't remember. We walked in silence for a few moments and I kept searching thoroughly through all my memories but simply couldn't find anything that he could be a part of. I didn't talk to people when I was a adolescent-I still don't now. All in all I was an unsociable person. Did I meet him at a ball, or perhaps I saw him in the market? I simply couldn't recall any moment.

I paused and he kept on walking which made him thrust backwards and stumble to the ground. I chortled so immensely, for the first time I believe in years. I placed my hand on my chest. "I'm so sorry," I laughed. His face contained an unamused look and my smiled faded. "I'm am sorry," I uttered lamentably.

Then a smile broke out on his face. He was kidding. I smacked him jokingly. "Chase! You scared me!" I groaned.

"Why'd you stop?" He asked as he cocked back up.

"I had a question for you," I explained.

"Yes," He replied.

"Chase Taylor, what will it take for me to get you to tell me how we know each other," I said. "What do you want?"

He paused and then he said, "What is your take on love Mary Bennet."

I was bewildered by this random question. "I don't believe in it," I said. "At least the type we have today I mean."

"Why is that?" He asked.

"Because it's not love if it's for money," I explained. What was he doing? Was he just trying to get to know me. "Never mind that. Please do tell me how you know me. I am so utterly curious, I'd do anything." Then I thought of what expansion anything meant. "Somethings," I added, and he chuckled.

He thought for a moment, and then he said, looking me in the eyes. "I'll tell you what, I'll give you a hint. On one condition."

I heard my heart pound, my mouth dropping a bit, my eyes dazing. "What?" I asked, scared for what the answer would be.

He caressed my palm and whispered, "Whenever you show affection for something." Then he paused. "That you love them."

I pulled my hand away and looked down. "What do you mean?" I asked. I thought for a second? Was he intending I'd give up my philosophy? "Not worth it," I murmured. Then hesitating, I said, "Not just a hint at least." I instantly regret it, what am I doing? I am the girl who doesn't believe in love. I am the girl who think it's sick when guys try to take advantage of girls, and girls being desperate. Was that what he meant? No, it couldn't be, we've just met. He was too perfect to have just said that.

When I looked up his face was right there eye to eye with me. "But you're so utterly curious correct?" I felt his breath on my face, and I lost my train of thought.

And like that I was snapped back to my fantasy, and as I turned into a lovestruck fool again, I had a feeling in my stomach that yearned for him. Or perhaps that was it, he wanted me to want him.

I stood up and started walking toward a tree and then I hugged it. I squished my left cheek against it so I was looking at him smiling. I grinned hugely and giggled giddily. "Does this count?" I asked.

He laughed and grabbed my hand and pulled me away from the tree. "We should be getting to the Darcey's." He said breezily. "You're probably missed there, you are some character aren't you?"

I smiled blushing. "Is that a good thing?" What was I doing? I thought to myself, but that thought bounced in my head until it was no longer there.

"Yes," Chase said.

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading, I am truly sorry I took so long. I hope this was good! Tell me what you think! <strong>

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